


Grew Up Fast (I Guess I Grew Up Mean)

by LessAttitudeMoreAltitude



Series: No Need for Open Roads [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternative Universe - Historical, Angst, Blind Kanan, Ezra Has PTSD, Ezra gets a hug, Ezra has no self-esteem, Ezra needs a hug, Gen, Implied Child Abuse, Kanan is trying okay, Not much werewolfy stuff in this one, Oneshot, PTSD, Parental Kanan, Phoenix Nest Discord, at least partially so, just pure angst, old western slang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LessAttitudeMoreAltitude/pseuds/LessAttitudeMoreAltitude
Summary: Becoming an unexpected guardian to a bitten lycan is stressful. Kanan needs a drink.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus
Series: No Need for Open Roads [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730470
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	Grew Up Fast (I Guess I Grew Up Mean)

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't the long!fic I'm been talking about. This is just a project I've been working on with stardustgirl on the Phoenix Nest Discord. If you haven't read at least the first fic of this series first, it's recommended before reading this one.

Kanan sighed as he poured himself another drink. It was getting rather late and the chances of another rider coming through were lower. It had been a long while since he’s had a good soak. And if he accidentally drank too much, well, Ezra would be back soon from town with their supplies. And he knew the ropes well enough to help any rider that might come through. 

It has been a week since Kanan found Ezra in the woods with a bullet in his leg. It had been a shocking realization that Ezra was a lycan like himself - albeit, a bitten one - but one good sniff was all it took to verify that it was the same boy. This would explain how a kid as young as him had survived as a guttersnipe for so long. Even in human form, his senses would be sharper, and he would be more resilient to illness and injury. 

Kanan leaned back with a sigh, trying not to think of his younger days. He _knew_ how hard it was to be a pack-less lycan. Especially when you were just an adolescent. Obviously whoever had bitten Ezra had no intention of bringing the boy into his ranks. No, that pack had just viciously killed his family and left Ezra for dead. 

He took a big gulp of his whiskey, relaxing at the warm burn in his belly. So now he found himself in the care of this pup… Of course, it’s not like that much has _actually_ changed. Even if Ezra was human, he would have continued to care for the child. At least this way, Kanan didn’t have to hide who he was. 

It still wasn’t easy though. What did Kanan know about raising children, let alone a bitten lycan? The kid knew almost nothing about what it meant to be a lycan, and at this point he seemed too afraid to ask. He was eager to please. At times, too eager. He had energy Kanan at times found exhausting. Like today. Now that Ezra’s leg had healed, he practically ran circles around the house and stables, constantly asking for new tasks and chores to accomplish.

Finally Kanan sent him out to town just for some damned quiet. After being on his own since he was fourteen, living with Ezra was still a big adjustment. 

He finished off his glass of joy juice before pouring himself another. Maybe he should have told the kid to get him another bottle. That is, if they even had the spare funds for it. 

By the time he finished his fourth glass, he heard the sound of a horse approaching the station. Hopefully it was Ezra with Phantom and the supplies, because he was a bit too blue to tack up a horse. 

His hopes were realized as he heard the horse fetch up in front of the house. Kanan got up with a grunt. He might as well help the boy offload the supplies. Ignoring the way his blurred vision seemed a bit _too_ blurred to stand straight, he walked outside. “Get everything, kid?”

“Yeah, I think so…” 

Kanan could just barely make out the blur of Phantom and Ezra jumping down from her. For a moment, Ezra stood there. He seemed to be staring at Kanan. 

“You alright?”

“Uh, y-yeah, everything’s fine.” That’s when Ezra turned to unhook the bags of food from the rig. 

Kanan stepped up and did the same, fumbling with the awkward knots Ezra had used to secure them. But eventually he managed to untie them and carry them in. Once they were done, Kanan went about putting the supplies away while Ezra took Phantom to get settled in the stable. 

As soon as Ezra was back inside, he was at it again. “So, um, anything else you need me to do?”

“Kid, it’s almost nightfall. You’ve done enough today.”

Ezra seemed to sway back and forth. Or maybe that was just Kanan’s moppy vision. But he could hear the creak of the floorboards as Ezra shifted from foot to foot. “I could sweep out the house,” he suggested, sounding a little desperate. “O-Or scrub out our clothes…”

“Kid!” Kanan snapped, slapping a hand onto the table with a loud smack. “ _Enough_. The day is over. Time to take it easy.”

It must have come out a lot harsher than it sounded in Kanan’s head, because he can practically _smell_ the fear roll off of Ezra. Kanan’s stomach churned with regret. “Kid…”

“I’m sorry,” Ezra said quickly, turning around and running to his room, shutting the door behind him. 

Kanan scowled and clenched his fists, angry with himself. He hadn’t meant to snap at the kid. The boy hadn’t done anything wrong. Kanan had just reached his rope’s end and the pent up annoyance had to go somewhere. 

With a huff, Kanan took a swig straight out of the bottle to level himself out before walking over to Ezra’s room. There was the sound of pacing on the other side of the door. Kanan gave it a knock. “Ezra?”

The pacing suddenly stopped and there was a beat of silence. Then a small voice spoke. “Y-Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

Another beat of silence. “Sure,” Ezra finally responded, his voice cracking. 

Kanan bit his lip at the noise, opening the door. Ezra was standing in the middle of the small room, facing him. Even in his drunken state, he could see that Ezra was trembling. “Kid, I’m - ” 

“I-I’m sorry!” Ezra said quickly. “When I came back, I could smell the alcohol, s-s-so I thought maybe you were annoyed or frustrated with me, so… I-I panicked. I’m sorry, I’m sorry….” he kept repeating.

Now Kanan _really_ felt like a maggot. “You don’t have to apologize. I just… I overreacted. I’m the one who should apologize.” He took a step forward and reached out to put a hand on the boy’s shoulder, but Ezra flinched back violently. At that, Kanan drew his hand back. “I’m not going to kick you out,” he said firmly.

At that, Ezra’s shoulders relaxed slightly, confirming Kanan’s suspicion. This has been a constant worry for Ezra. The sad fact was that Kanan was probably the first person to give a damn about the kid since his family was slaughtered. And Ezra was terrified of compromising this bit of safety he's managed to find. 

Kanan could relate. 

“Then… Th-Then why were you drinking…?” Ezra asked quietly. 

Kanan sighed as he contemplated the question. “It just relaxes me. And I haven’t bent an elbow in a while now.” Ezra just nodded slowly, and Kanan got the distinct impression that Ezra didn’t believe him. Kanan couldn’t help the small huff of amusement. “You’ve never seen a man throw back some joy juice?” Ezra flinched again, and Kanan’s amusement faded away. “Kid?”

Ezra audibly swallowed. “I… I used to do some odd jobs for this saloon owner…” he said quietly. “Sometimes I-I would mess up. You know, drop a growler or something, and then…” His voice petered off and he fell silent. 

Kanan’s chest ached as he put the puzzle pieces together. Saloons could be real buckets of blood. If the saloon owner wasn’t willing to speak up for a tenderfoot orphan in his employ, no doubt some of the meaner patrons would see that as an opportunity to 'work out' their problems. 

Kanan thought about the almost empty bottle of whiskey back in the kitchen. It might not have been his intention, but obviously Ezra had bad memories associated with the smell of it. And given that Ezra was _already_ uncertain about his life here… it had just been too much. “Alright, kid. No more whiskey.”

“W… What?” Ezra responded in confusion.

“It’s not like I’m a white liner. And the last thing I want is a repeat of tonight.”

“Kanan, no, y-you don’t need to stop just because I m-muxed it up…!”

“You didn’t _mux it up_.” God, this was hard. What could he do to get this kid to believe him? He put a hand on Ezra’s shoulder, and while the boy initially flinched, he relaxed slightly under his touch. Small victory. “I don’t _need_ it. It obviously bothers you. It’s fine.”

“B-But…!”

“Stop.” Acting on instinct, Kanan pulled him in to a tight embrace to cut Ezra off. “It’s fine,” he repeated softly.

At first Ezra just trembled against him. Then his body began to relax against Kanan. A deeper lycan instinct had Ezra nuzzling his face Kanan’s chest. 

Kanan gave a small smile at that, tension in his chest unwinding. He could do this… He could raise this pup right. It was going to take some learning and patience, but he could do this.


End file.
